For Better or For Worse …


This started out differently than it is right now. I put the beginning at the end. In order for the first paragraph to make absolute sence, you might want to read the text that appears below the dotted line at the end. It’s kind of like a forward to a book, you can read the book without reading it, but you might learn something in it that makes the book even better. I kept the title because I think it still fits.

Couples who are struggling with for worse situations that are really beyond their control would gladly exchange them for worse situations within their control. It’s sad to watch till death do us part happen because of sickness, accidents, or any other thing beyond anyone’s control. It’s irritating and frustrating to watch till death do us part happen because of selfishness, self-centeredness, and things that could become for better just by loving and putting the other person before yourself.

Spouses, WAKE UP!!! STEP UP!!! AND GIVE UP!!!

WAKE UP to what makes your spouse happy. Listen to each other. There is no such thing as a complaining spouse, if you have a complaining spouse, it just means you are not listening. Yeah, I know, there are those few people in life that just can not be happy and there is nothing anyone can do to make them happy. Your stuck with them now, make the best of it you can. But most of the time, that is not the case. If your spouse was lying on their death bed or lying in a hospital and they asked you to do something for them, you would do it and you know it. They wouldn’t have to complain to get you to do it. Maybe what everyone needs to do is realize that every marriage is on the verge of till death do us part.

STEP UP to YOUR responsibilities. God has given the husband and the wife responsibilities. If the husband would stop studying what the wife is supposed to do and just does what he is supposed to do, everything else will fall into order. God designed a woman to respond to her husband. Yeah, again, I know, there are those women who just won’t do it. SO WHAT! Husbands are supposed to treat their wives as Christ did the church. Have you seriously looked at the church? The church is a whining, complaining, nagging, spoiled rotten brat. Yet Christ loved her so much, he died for her. Men, YOU are a part of that church that Christ died for, you should know that you were not someone worth that. Stop waiting for your wife to be worth dying for. You die for her, she will follow you. Do you see it?? Christ died THEN the church followed. No, I am not excusing the women. I wouldn’t tell them to step up, I would tell them to Step down, step back, or step over, whatever you have to do, just get into a support position! Stop trying to jump up on the cross for the men. And some women are letting their men put them in that position, jump down then. Women, stop studying what the husband is supposed to do and just do what you are supposed to do.  If BOTH spouses just did what they were supposed to do, then there wouldn’t be any problems. Ultimately, the men have to step up first. Men, think of it this way. Which is easier to work for, a boss that you respect or one you don’t? Can you ever really respect a boss that doesn’t deserve it? It is a very difficult thing. But I know many of you who love, or are loving to parents and children that are just mean and sometime disrespectful to you. I don’t think I’ve seen anywhere in the Bible where a fruit of the Spirit is respect, but I know that one is love. So if you are a true Christ follower, you WILL be able to LOVE your wife, if you do that, she WILL give you respect. It’s very hard to disrespect someone who is loving. Wife, if you are a true Christ follower, when your husband loves you, you WILL show him respect. Because God designed it that way and ultimately you are following Him, not your husband.

GIVE UP both of you. First, men, give up the idea that you are in charge. You aren’t. You are only a part of a leadership team. God did not make you to be king over your household. If anything, you are the servant as you are to be like Christ, who was the ultimate servant. Second, women, give up some of the things that you think you need. You aren’t the body, you are only the rib. You are made to fit into and mold into the man that you married. That means it’s your job to try and bring the two of you together in a NEW way, not his way, not your way. Men were not designed to be intuitive, you were. You need to figure how to change things so they work for both of you. Now here’s the raw deal men, whether you like it or not, you give up more than her. You just do. Just keep reminding yourself that Christ was beaten beyond recognition, put on a cross NAKED, humiliated, for you – you should be willing to do the same for your wife. But a good wife wouldn’t ask her husband to go that far. MOST women are naturally givers. So, how do you make it work – YOU BOTH GIVE UP!! Give it all up to God. If you can’t agree on something, give it to God. You see, that leadership team is made up of the husband, the wife, and God. And God is the real final decision maker, not the man, not the women. It’s a triangle, and there is only GOD at the top. I dare you to try and fight God on an issue. Again, men, women are designed to be more intuitive, make sure that before you make that decision you have really listened to your wife. Honestly, men CAN make better decisions than women, as long as they take in all the facts and get themselves out of the issue. The woman helps you get yourself out of the issue. If you take time to listen to the wife, you won’t have to hear, I told you so later. Take what you think, what your wife thinks, and both of you pray about it. Don’t do anything unless you hear what God has to say. IT’s A TEAM, you can’t win by yourself. Men are ONLY the quarterbacks, you may think you are running the team, but you have a coach (GOD) who is really calling the plays.

You know, so many times I have heard it said that it would be nice to have an instruction manual for marriage or even for parenting. The sad part is, we have one, it’s just that no one pays attention to it. It’s like getting something that needs to be assembled and you open it up and start assembling without reading the instructions. You get half way through and find out you are missing a part or put something together wrong. It’s just plain dumb to do that. So get out the instruction manual and read it. Don’t read how to put together a wife if you are a husband. And don’t read how to put together a husband if you are a wife.

I’ll make it a little easier for you. Here:

The Husbands Instruction Manual

The Wives Instruction Manual

———————–

… Till Death Do Us Part

As I write tonight, my heart is burdened for marriages. I will be honest, I have four specific couples in mind, but they represent millions of couples out there. I apologize in advance if anything that I write reveals the identity of those couples, but I feel compelled to write anyway. In all honesty, I have no idea what is about to be written nor how these four couples relate to one another, but I know it will be revealed as I continue. I can not see inside of these homes and I have come to realize that what you see going on outside is not always what is going on inside. We, as people, have learned to play roles so well. We are all like movie stars with a public personalities that shine for the camera’s and the audience, and another private life that we do what ever we can to keep hidden. But this is what I see on the outside.

The first couple I am thinking of are fighting and they are fighting hard. They are on the brink of “death due us part.” It seems as though their “for better or worse,” has been more worse than better. They have weathered many things together and yet, for some reason, their worse has come  down to petty little things. Their worse is not struggling to pay the bills, court battles, accusations of abuse, or the kids drinking, sex and cutting, they’ve been through all that and survived. Their worse is not health related or surgically issues, again, they have made it through such things. No, none of that is the worst that could happen to them. Their worst, is the everyday things. Their worse, is having to love each other. Their worse is learning to be polite, thoughtful and caring. The fighting they are doing, it’s against each other. It is not about which one it is that needs to change the most, does it really matter which one it is? It only takes one to kill a marriage. It only takes one to decide that they are not going to do this, or they are tired of hearing that, or, or, or. For them, death is something happening from within the heart and mind. Without a change of heart and a change of mind, their for better or for worse has just turned the corner into death do us part.

The second couple I am thinking of are fighting and they are fighting hard. They are on the brink of “death due us part.” It seems as though their “for better or worse,” has taken on new meaning. Their worse is no longer whether the toilet seat is left up or down, who has to take the kids someplace, or whether one of them snores too loudly. In fact, I bet if I could ask them, they would gladly take on any of those problems. You see, one of them is fighting for their life because of a health related problem A better for them is a day when they both would have energy enough to fight about those other things. A better for them would be the wife cooking a meal and burning it because she was distracted by joining in a wii game with the kids. A better for them is another day to have to love each other, to be polite, thoughtful and caring. They are not fighting each other, they are fighting together. For them, death is something happening from within the body. Their till death do us part has turned the corner on what their for better or for worse is.

The third couple I am thinking of are fighting and they are fighting hard. They are on the brink of “death due us part.” It seems as though their “for better or worse,” has also taken on new meaning. Before they got married their for worse would have had to do with loneliness and struggling alone. One was struggling, with so many things to take care of on their own. The other had nothing to take care of, they were on their own. They decided to join forces against their individual for worse situations and lighten the load by carrying it together. Now their for worse is one carrying more load than they did before because the other is dumping their worse into the other’s lap. Their for better of combining households has turned into a for worse as the unnecessary bills from reckless behaviors mount up and are left to one to handle. For them, death is something happening from within mind and the ego. Without a change of thinking and a change of focus, their for better or for worse has just turned the corner into death do us part.

The fourth couple I am thinking of are fighting and they are fighting hard. They have been on the brink of “death due us part” many times. It seems as though their “for better or worse,” has also taken on new meaning. They thought their for worse might come in the form of tempers, finances, and time. Instead their for worse has been in the form of car wrecks, loss of eye sight, and near death health concerns. Their for worse could have been their independence, yet now it has turned into their dependence. Their for worse could have been their family vacations canceled because of non-family emergencies and needs, yet now their for worse has been vacations canceled because of family emergencies and needs. They thought their for worse was one of the family going into a volatile missions field, yet their worse turned out to be contracting a disease while there. Their anticipated for worse became their for better. For them, death is something happening from outside their control. Their till death do us part has turned the corner on what their for better or for worse is.

So are you going to let your for better or for worse turn into a death do you part? Or are you going to let till death do you part, turn what your for better or for worse is?

Check out another blog similar to this one:

Husbands, stop loving your wife, just as Christ stopped loving the church.

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One thought on “For Better or For Worse …

  1. Wow…. to deep for words. I think every relationship of marriage can relate or find themselves in one of those case senerios of better or worst, till death…. And yet as I reflect on the process of death, very rarely is it without pain, agnony or even the desire for healing on this side of heaven or the other side. If we had a choice, who would choose death, as often all we have in word, and deed is searched for in a hope to live. If we were give the diognois of pending death in a given time, the search would be on for any remendy logical or non to live. I wonder why we take life in relationship of marriage so lightly? Do we not believe that we will be held accountable to life taken so lightly as we kill the spirit of one another. “Oh death where is your sting?”…. in words and actions, we better believe… Its better not to make a vow, than make a vow and break it!… Choose life, and love makes it easier. Love you girl!

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